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Feb 17

How to Become a Government Spy in Three Easy Steps

By Daisy Luther / Inalienably Yours

If you thought that your childhood dreams of being a spy were dashed on the rocky cliffs of reality, have I got news for you!

The Department of Homeland Gestapo Security is looking for spies right now.  In fact they are actively recruiting everyday folks in the name of anti-terrorism to perform surveillance.  Your country needs you, my friend!

The requirements are not as stringent as you might think.  Back when you applied for that position in the FBI, you needed a certain degree, an impeccable record and a background check.

Today, all you need is a check list and access to a phone or a computer. It really is that simple, so let’s get started and fight some crime!

STEP ONE:

If you SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING.  The DHS has a website chock full of tips to allow you to determine whether your neighbor has a bomb building facility in his garage or if he’s just planning to dig up and fertilize a big garden.  There’s even a patriotic acronym to help you remember what information a good spy should provide.

S SIZE:   note the number of people in the group, details of their appearance, gender and approximate ages.

A ACTIVITY – describe exactly what they are doing.

L LOCATION – document exactly where the suspicious activity taking place

U UNIFORM – remember what they are wearing, including shoes

T TIME – provide the date, time of day and duration of the activity

E EQUIPMENT – be able to describe the vehicle, camera, weapons or suspicious packages

STEP TWO:

Go undercover as….yourself.

No matter what your occupation, the DHS has a flyer for you. The FBI has produced a series of handouts to help you get your junior agent badge.  These “suspicious activity reporting flyers” can be found at PUBLICINTELLIGENCE.NET.

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